G2016
Helping Children Resolve Conflict:
Aggressive Behavior of Children
Children can display aggressive behavior as they interact with others. In this NebGuide you’ll learn about the different behaviors and how to deal with each.
Developed by Marjorie Kostelnik, Dean of College of Education and Human Sciences
Adapted for Extension use by Sarah Effken Purcell, Debra E. Schroeder, Mary E. Nelson, Eileen M. Krumbach, and Janet S. Hanna, Extension Educators; Tonia R. Durden and John D. DeFrain, Extension Specialists; and additional contributor Kathy R. Bosch
- Aggressive Behavior/Kids Fighting
- Aggressive Behavior
- Accidental Aggression
- Expressive Aggression
- Hostile Aggression
- Instrumental Aggression
- General Skills for Handling Children’s Aggressive Behavior
- Specific Skills for Handling Specific Aggression
- Resources
- References
| When using conflict mediation, children learn skills necessary to reach peaceful solutions. These skills include communication, compromise, the ability to see how different aspects of a dispute are related, and the ability to consider their own perspective as well as that of another person. At first, children need a great deal of support to proceed all the way to a negotiated settlement. You, as mediator, provide this support, serving as a model and instructor. As children learn problem-solving words and procedures they become increasingly capable of solving problems by themselves. There is evidence that these childhood learnings are maintained throughout the adult years. |
Aggressive Behavior/Kids Fighting
If you are a parent, guardian or childcare provider, witnessing children fighting is a common occurrence. Fighting or aggressive behavior can occur in various forms, whether it is slapping, grabbing, screaming, pinching, kicking, spitting, biting, threatening, teasing, or a variety of other actions.
Aggressive Behavior
Aggression is any behavior that results in physical or emotional injury to a person or animal, or one that leads to property damage or destruction. Aggression can be verbal or physical.
There are four types of aggressive behavior: accidental, expressive, instrumental, and hostile. It is important to understand these behaviors that children may display so your responses are effective.
Accidental Aggression
Accidental aggression is just that, an accident. Without trying, a child hurts another child. Stepping on someone’s foot while playing tag, hitting another child while putting an arm through a coat sleeve, or knocking over someone’s blocks while walking through a tight space are all examples of accidental aggression. Accidental aggression is not done purposely.
Expressive Aggression
Expressive aggression is committing an aggressive act because the act feels good. The child, however, does not aim to hurt someone. For example, a toddler may be so involved in play he or she doesn’t notice the other child isn’t happy when the blocks are knocked down.
When carried out safely with supervision, kicking, pounding, throwing, and knocking down are appropriate physical activities for children. Children often enjoy these physical activities. However, problems occur when children go beyond these safe situations to gain pleasure from ones that can cause damage to people or property.
Hostile Aggression
Hostile aggression is aggression done on purpose to hurt someone physically or psychologically. The children who use hostile aggression experience satisfaction from seeing others hurt. Children use hostile aggression to make themselves feel more powerful or when they think someone is purposely trying to sabotage what they are doing. This is also known as bullying. Often children who exhibit hostile aggression actions are unpredictable, unprovoked, and illogical. Being provoked, however, is a different type of aggression called reactive aggression.
Instrumental Aggression
Instrumental aggression occurs when children fight over objects, territory or rights, and in the process someone gets hurt. When both children think they are the first to the paint brush or sand pile, or are the line leader, their goal is to gain control over the brush, sand pile, or line. In the process of struggling to gain control, someone gets hurt.
Most aggression exhibited by children ages 2 through 6 is instrumental, with the majority of outbursts happening in fights over materials and toys. Toddlers and preschoolers are impulsive, have limited language skills and are egocentric. As a result, they may hit, grab, kick, or bite to get what they need.
Children change their aggressive behavior when they mature cognitively, with experience, and guidance from adults who model nonaggressive behavior.
General Skills for Handling Children’s Aggressive Behavior
- Model nonaggressive behavior. Be calm when dealing with children who are upset. Keep your voice level and firm, your movements controlled, and look at the children.
- Eliminate aggressive materials. Do not purchase toy weapons for your setting or allow children to bring them from home.
- Manage materials to minimize potential frustration among children. Provide multiple items (i.e., specific toys, paint easels and paint brushes, tricycles) that have a history of conflict between children. This is
especially true for young toddlers.
- Praise children when their behavior is appropriate.
- Make it clear that aggression is unacceptable.
Specific Skills for Handling Specific Aggression
- Accidental Aggression Management — When accidental aggression occurs, defuse the situation by identifying the wronged child’s feelings and explaining that this was an accident. It is also good to point
out to the aggressor the impact the action had on the other child and to ask the aggressor to help repair the damage.
- Expressive Aggression Management — In this situation, redirect the actions of the aggressor. Focus on allowing the aggressor to continue the pleasurable physical movement while changing the situation so
it becomes harmless. For example, the child who is knocking down other children’s blocks needs to be redirected to knock down their own blocks.
- Hostile Aggression Management — Children must be told that hostile behavior will not be tolerated. Your actions need to support that statement. Clear boundaries and consistent expectations must be given
to children who use hostile aggression. Hostile behavior cannot be allowed. Facilitate friendships between pairs of children who are having difficulty forming positive peer relationships.
- Instrumental Aggression Management — Learn, practice, and use conflict mediation skills:
Step 1: Initiate the mediation process.
Step 2: Clarify each child’s perspective.
Step 3: Summarize.
Step 4: Help children generate alternatives.
Step 5: Help children agree on a solution.
Step 6: Reinforce the problem solving process.
Step 7: Help children follow through on their agreement.
Resources
NebGuide G2014, Helping Children Resolve Conflict: Conflict Mediation Model
NebGuide G2015, Helping Children Resolve Conflict: Pitfalls to Avoid in Conflict Mediation
HEF583, Bullying and Victimization: What Adults Can Do to Help
References
Guiding Children’s Social Development: Theory to Practice, 6th Edition. Kostelnik, M., Whiren, A., Soderman, A., Gregory, K., and Stein, L. Albany, New York: Delmar, 2008.
Early childhood education, birth-8: The world of children, families and educators. (5th edition). Driscoll, A. & Nagel, N. (2008). Boston: Pearson.
Early childhood development: A multicultural perspective (2nd Edition). Trawick-Smith, J. (2000) New Jersey: Prentice Hall.
This publication has been peer reviewed.
Visit the University of Nebraska–Lincoln Extension Publications Web site for more publications.
Index: Families
Relationships
Issued May 2010